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| So I graduate in about 26 days and 6 hours, and I have so many mixed feelings. I really love teaching, but this is becoming so unbelievably overwhelming right now. There is still so much to get done in the next 3.5 weeks in the classroom... 17 days! Aaaaaahhhh!
If you don't mind, I would like to vent a tiny bit. I'm in fifth grade and I LOVE the kids! I really like what they'll be learning and I like the level that they are at overall. My issue happened on Friday afternoon. Let me give you a little background on this room: the kids really like to talk to the teacher and to keep the conversation going, whatever direction/tangent we are currently on. So that's the background of the room. In the afternoon on Friday, my cooperating teacher had to attend a grade-level meeting. It also rained that day, so there was indoor recess. The kids were so wired, I couldn't calm them down. I wanted so badly to raise my voice to them and start taking recess from each student, but I felt that since my co-op wasn't there, then I wouldn't do that. My only reasoning is that I did not want to have parents calling her on Monday making her life harder just because she has a student teacher. So it was really frustrating. I know that there will be a bad report on the afternoon. I hope that it will not affect my overall evaluation and my cooperating teacher's opinion of me. I thought that I was acting on the best interest of the room as a whole. I will be having a "classroom meeting" with the students in the morning, laying it all out. I'm pretty sure I'm giving them a little extra homework as well as taking away 5 minutes of recess. So that's where I stand with that. I hope I'm strong enough to finish out these last 17 days in the room. I want to blow their socks off. I just don't know if I can anymore. I'm just so emotionally drained.
On Wednesday, I'm playing the role of Mary (Jesus' mother) in a play at church and I'm absolutely TERRIFIED to do it. I still need to learn the lines a lot better, and I need to be able to cry on cue (which usually I can do, but with the nervousness, I'm not sure if I'll be able to do it). So send a few extra prayers my way for these things!
I wrote a song today. I've never written one before, but I'm really proud of it! It's been in my head all day since I wrote it, so it's catchy. I need to figure out how to write the chords to go with it. I can hear it in my head, so eventually I'll figure it out!
Wednesday is my dad's birthday and I'm going home on Friday, so I'm glad that I'll get to see him. I miss my family & friends from home like no other right now. I think it's because the end is in sight. This time next month, I'll be in my own NEW bed in the basement, starting my life outside of college. Some might wonder about me living with my parents for a while after graduating, but it's financially better. I don't have anyone in my life who I would be living with outside of my family, really. They're allowing me to live in my own "apartment" in the basement and are really embracing the idea of it. I can get a job and pay off student loans without having to worry about $600 rent a month and another $100 for cable/internet and $100+ for other utilities. I'll be paying them a little rent so they're not losing money off of me living in the basement, then using the rest of the money I'm earning to pay off loans, save some money, and enjoy life. Once my financial situation is good, I will be going 100% into using some of my extra money for others. I'm planning on giving to charities and helping out organizations whenever possible.
I'm excited for my future, but terrified to get there. I'm getting tired of college life, but do not want to leave my friends who have become my lifelines. It's a little too much to think about, so I'm just taking things one day at a time, getting closer to graduating, applying for jobs, and soaking up every last minute here that I can.
I want to also ask for another thing from you... even more prayer. One of my BEST FRIENDS OF ALL TIMES (Becky F.) has a prayer request. Her brother and sister-in-law were expecting twins. They just recently heard that one baby's heart isn't working and the other one isn't growing the way it's supposed to. Pray for the strength of the whole family as well as the strength of the doctors (hoping they can help out their situation).
Alright, I need to finish a few more things for school this week, so I'm going to go. This may have sounded like my mind and heart are in complete turmoil, but they really are not quite so vulnerable the whole time. I'm just very sensitive right now. I'll be happy again soon. The kids in class make me smile (usually, haha!) and I have a song I can be writing. I have to make a big volcano, so that'll bring me back to the nostalgia of elementary school projects. Lots going on, but I think I'll update again before graduation. I'll have a lot on my mind... haha!
~Becky
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| My last update was three months ago today, so I figured I'd use this as an outlet for what's going on in my life right now!
I am done with four weeks (of sixteen) of student teaching... the realization of this has put many mixed emotions in me right now. Student teaching is so rewarding and overwhelming at the same time. Twice already Jenn has had to bail me out (kind of... I called for support from someone who's been through it). Looking at the fact that I have 83 days until graduation does scare me. I have been waiting for this day to come for so long... pretty much since before I even went into college! I can't wait to have my own classroom, but looking at the job market now, it's very intimidating. I want to be an amazing teacher and I want to teach the year that I graduate... I'm not a person who'd be satisfied substitute teaching for very long. I'm just praying for guidance with everything. I'm afraid to leave Clarion because this is where all but 4 of my friends who I talk to are. When I go home, I will be going back to a world where my social life will become my family again. Yes, I do love them and yes, I do want to spend time with them... just not ALL OF MY TIME, which inevitably happens. I'm going to be sending my resume for a summer job very soon. I'm hoping to have something lined up early so I'm not resorting to jobs that I'm not a fan of. After graduation, I will be leaving the life I know here to enter one that's so familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. I hope my transition back home is smooth.
As for the rest of my life, my family is doing fairly well for our current situations. My dad still hasn't gotten a job yet. I think it's been four months now that he's been out of a job. I know he can get one. Please pray that he gets one soon that he's happy with... I'm pretty much pleading with all who read this for extra prayer! Joey ate four M&M's at church this morning. That normally wouldn't be an issue for a child, but he is allergic to milk... yup... they had to get Jenn out of the church service and I think they used his epi-pen, but I think he was alright shortly afterward. Thank goodness it wasn't a peanut M&M... he's allergic to peanuts, too!
I have pretty much zero social life right now because I'm always working on student teaching stuff. I give myself a Friday or a Saturday night to see people... this weekend I gave myself both nights. I need a little more interaction with people... and people forget that I exist now that I'm never on campus! Still, I do not have any man in my life. I know that God will send the person I need to me in his time... I just get impatient sometimes. I've given up on looking. He will send him to me. I believe that, really! Overall I am actually happier than I seem right now, but these are all things that I needed to say somehow. I call my mom almost every day now. It isn't always that I miss her... sometimes it is just to hear another person's voice outside of school other than my own or the TV.
I have twelve weeks to go and my life will change drastically again. The light is at the end of the tunnel and now I'm getting too scared to see what's out there. I know I'll do something with my life. I know I'll teach somewhere. I just wish I could see God's plan. Nobody can ever see his true plan. I just wish he'd give me a glimpse of my happy future for once. My heart needs that.
To those reading this, you're my friend... I love you... I miss you (yes, even if you're in Clarion)... don't let me slip away from your radar, because you haven't slipped from mine.
~Becky
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| It's been a while again since I last updated. Did you miss me?! Today seemed like an excellent day to tell you all about what's been going on in my life. I'm in a second grade classroom for block. One week is down with two more to go. I'm really liking it there. It's one of those things where you just want to yell "FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" at the top of your lungs so someone can hear it in the next county! This is what I want to do with my life. The purity of the hearts of children and their anxiousness & desire to learn make me remember that this is always what I've wanted to do. I'm doing a unit on Thanksgiving (which seems stupid, I know, but it had to be an integrated Social Studies unit & there's only so much you can do with second grade). This weekend will consist much of lesson plan writing. The sooner I get it done, the less I have to focus on later. My co-op is very nice. She's giving me many chances to teach. In fact, I taught all of this week's spelling as well as a lesson on election day. I'm very happy with my placement. Praise team is going well, also. The past two weeks, I was the one to lead the congregation with music. Katie (the normal leader) was unable to be there, so I filled in for her. That's a seriously spiritual rush, let me tell you! Matt's still helping with the sound (and for those who are curious, he has a girlfriend now, who is an attorney!). Soon enough, however, Jared is graduating. December is coming very close. In January, we'll have nobody as our guitarist. Yes, Matt & Brian both can play, but they only step up to it when they're asked to help. Please pray for this... because even though I'm learning guitar, I'm nowhere near good enough to lead worship. God will provide. Socially, I've kind of been a hermit lately. Other than praise team and SAI, I've been doing schoolwork and sleeping. I do go out for the occasional fun night... like Fright Night at Kennywood. It's just a scary night at a theme park, but it was fun anyway. Seth probably lost feeling in his arms because I'm always jumpy in those situations, but he offered! Haha! I actually talked on the phone with Aaron last night... for near an hour and a half! Wow! It was good to catch up with him. I called him after the show choir performance. I went to support my friends in it and to reminisce about when I was in it! They put on a good show. I'm missing family a lot. I call them a lot more than I did even a month ago. My parents are doing a lot of babysitting for Jenn & Joe still. Joey and Morgan are getting cuter by the day. I miss them so much! So I think this is where I'm going to stop typing and try to let my pictures go in here of them. Enjoy! 
Morgan in the corn maze that mommy took the kids to see. 
Joey found a pumpkin that was appropriate for his size! 
She's too cute! 
They both love Pappap! 
Joey in the corn maze! 
They were going tree-hunting (a great family tradition)... but Joey & Morgan were very interested with playing in the leaves! 
Morgan amused by the stick by a tree that was her size. 
She was a butterfly for Halloween! 
Jenn takes great brother & sister pictures! 
Joe with Morgan while they were tree-hunting. 
I love this picture! 
Joey now loves cotton candy! 
Another cute brother & sister picture! 
Joey's such a ham! 
... As is Morgan! This is across from my house, I think! 
This is so much cleaner than playing in sand! 
Jenn with the kids... she always has them going somewhere fun! 
This was from a bit ago, but I had to add this. Morgan wanted to go say hi to the ducks! 
I love our family tradition of going tree-hunting! 
More from Halloween. I'm apologizing for the fact that these aren't in the best order! 
Morgan was eating an apple... haha 
She's absolutely adorable! 
Joey was having so much fun! 
Jenn takes great pictures, don't you think?! 
At the tree farm 
"Look, I am a beauuuuuutiful butterfly!" 
Wow... that looks safe! 
That's one big tire! 
Awwwwww! 
Morgan looks up to Joey so much! 
Morgan with my mom 
Joey was a fireman 
Morgan on a slide 
Joey making his pumpkin at preschool 
That boy has my heart!  So that's pretty much it for now. I'm off to what is (potentially) my last college football game ever! Love you all! ~Becky | | |
| I'm having a bad day today... like to the point of relating it to the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst... or the song "Bad Day" by Fuel. I don't know why it's this way today, but I'm just not happy. This is very abnormal for me anymore. I've been having excellent days (& weeks for that matter). I guess that's why my psyche is over-dramatizing the events of this morning in my head. I woke up on time, but with a few hours less sleep. That's ok, it was my fault. I was running late to praise team rehearsal before church because I didn't manage my time well today. Then, I have to find my way around a closed road due to the car show at Autumn Leaf Festival. Okay, I can deal with all of this. I pull into a parking space and just as I was getting out of my car, I get a phone call. A member of our team needs my guitar. He mooches off of everyone because he took his guitar to get the electronics fixed, but they didn't do it right. He easily could have used it anyway and just used a mic in front of the guitar to pick it up. But no... he always has to use someone else's guitar. So I had to go all the way back to my apartment, with the main street blocked off, just so I could get my guitar for him that I would give a ring toe to keep in perfect condition. At Wednesday's rehearsal, he broke a string on his guitar AND THEN managed to break a string on the pastor's daughter's guitar! Guess what he did in the middle of the service today... did you figure it out?? I bet you did! HE BROKE MY GUITAR STRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have never once broken a string on my guitar that I have now. You have to be gentle to things like that and he just doesn't understand that. If I knew how to play more chords, I would have offered to play it instead, but he's better at the chords than I am. So I tried to do the good thing and let him use my guitar and he breaks something on it.
Now some of you who read this know that I don't have a job right now. School is my job. I wish I had 10 hours or so to focus on a job each week, but my availability fluctuates too much to have a job up here. My dad is job-less for a month now. My family is running off of our savings and a secretary's salary. Do you think I have extra money to buy even a guitar string? Nope. I have allotted myself a certain amount of my own money to spend on things for me and I don't think that's in my budget right now. Pathetic, I know. But I just let everything come down on me this morning. I was actually crying during church. Yes, I did listen to the sermon, but I was mad at myself and, sadly, at God, too. I know that this morning he was testing me. I'm not happy with the results of today. So soon, I am going to take a nap... and when I wake up, I will treat it like a new day. I will do my school work (study for two midterms also) and I will have a relaxing afternoon/evening. God will right this for me... I know and trust that he will. I know that my bad mood won't last forever. Hopefully I'll wake up with a new mood. That would be wonderful. I think I'll call my sister's family for a bit to talk to them. They're ones to (almost) always make me happy. Maybe I can talk to the little ones. Oh, I don't know. Thanks you to all who read this rant... especially if you know who I was talking about in this. Know that I love all of my friends to death, including him... I'm just not happy with him right now. I'll get over it 
~Becky
P.S. It's ALF week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay! 
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| It's been near three weeks since I wrote last. I figured I'd give another update!
Currently, I'm sitting at my computer in the "scraps" of clothing I have left that are not in the laundry right now! Haha! "The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl" is on behind me. My entire wardrobe is in the laundry one floor below me. And my dishes from lunch that I just made (imitation crab & a potato) are sitting in the sink. So far it's been a semi-productive day! I still need to shower in the next 20 minutes, get all of my laundry out of the *three* dryers they're in (I have about 5 minutes for that), and rush over to Keeling for my physical for the ed program. After my physical, I'm joining my fellow brothers of Alpha Phi Omega (national SERVICE fraternity) at our informational table at Gemmell. Then I plan on coming back to my apartment to finish cleaning it. After my friends get out of marching band, I am going with them to Quaker Steak & Lube... yay!!!!!!!!
Lately, I have been doing a lot of schoolwork. So far, I have a 100% in all my classes. I hope I can keep that up! Sometime this weekend, I need to interview one of Ani's sisters for the reading interview I need to conduct & write up about. Sunday I have an SAI even to attend. I love my sisters! This year is really looking up for everyone & the organization itself. It's going to be good.
So I called my home school district to ask about their substitute teacher policy. Online it says that they require their substitutes to have their teaching certificate, which goes against the state law. Normally, you don't need a degree in education to be a substitute teacher... but since my old school is so challenging, it requires a degree anyway. But out of my phone call still came a good thing: when I am home between fall & spring semesters, I have an unpaid externship as a special education aide. It's going to be AMAZING!!!!
And last but not least, last Sunday, I got to see WICKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I got a phone call during praise team practice just before church. It was Joel (and I found out later, Brittany was there, too). He asked if I'd like to go, since he & Brittany had an extra ticket already paid for... needless to say, four hours later, I was in a car pumped to go to Pttsburgh! I finally got to see one of the most amazing musicals of all time! Thank you, guys, if you're reading this! I'm so incredibly greatful for friends like YOU!
I have to go do everything I already mentioned... so later all! I love you!
~ Becky
P.S. For those who wanted to know what's going on with Matt, we're just friends... and I'm pretty sure that is how we're staying!
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